HAPPY YULETIDE SOLSTICE

Happy Yuletide
 

Today is Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year and the longest night.

People all over the world tonight will celebrate the pagan ritual of saying goodbye to the old and welcoming the new.

The Winter Solstice itself lasts only a moment in time, so other terms are used for the day such as "midwinter", or the "extreme of winter". It marks the "turning of the Sun" and the days slowly get longer. Celebrations of the lighter days to come and nature’s continuing cycle have been common throughout cultures and history with feasts, festivals and holidays around the Yule festival.

This culminated in a feast and gift-giving on Dec 25, which is why that date became so significant.

Over the years, religions have seized the same date as the birthday of Christ, and retailers have introduced rampant commercialism to raise expectations of excessive feasting and gift giving.

But do you ever wonder about the true origins of the big event? I’ve scoured the internet and pulled together lots of information about the Pagan origins of Yuletide. Here’s my top ten:

 

1. Few people realise that the origins of many Christmas traditions were Pagan and celebrated long before anyone had heard of Jesus Christ. Among historians, debate has always raged about when Jesus was born, especially since the Bible mentions shepherds tending their sheep in the fields on that night, meaning it was unlikely he was actually born in December.

2. In ancient Babylon, the feast of the Son of Isis (Goddess of Nature) was celebrated on December 25. Raucous partying, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving were traditions of this feast.

3. In ancient Rome, the Winter Solstice was celebrated long before Jesus came along, and named Saturnalia in honour of Saturn, the God of Agriculture. The Latin for this season is: Dies Natalis Invicti Solis, the Birthday of the Unconquered Sun. According to the Gregorian calendar the Winter Solstice fell on the 25th of December.

4. In northern Europe, Pagans celebrated their own winter solstice, known as Yule. Yule was symbolic of the pagan Sun God Mithras being born, and was observed on the shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice. The ceremonial Yule log was the highlight of the festival. Huge Yule logs and candles were burned to honour of the sun/son. The word Yule itself means "wheel" and is the Pagan symbol for the sun. The word solstice comes from Latin sol (sun) and sistere (to stand still) literally meaning Sun Standing.

5. Pagan festivals mark important times in the agricultural cycle of the year. The continuously revolving Wheel of the Year marked the days to plant or harvest crops, breed animals or kill livestock. Yule is a turning point, where the tides of the year turn and begin to flow in the opposite direction. It is the darkest time of the year, the time of the longest night, but there is also the promise of the return of light.

6. The tree is the one symbol that unites almost all the northern European winter solstices. Live evergreen trees were often brought into homes during the harsh winters as a reminder to inhabitants that soon their crops would grow again because they stay green throughout the season. Evergreen boughs were sometimes carried as totems of good luck and were often present at weddings, representing fertility. Mistletoe was considered a sacred plant, and the custom of kissing under the mistletoe began as a fertility ritual. Holly berries were thought to be a food of the gods but also good luck.  

 

 

7. In 350, Pope Julius I declared that Christ's birth would be celebrated on December 25 to coincide with Pagan celebrations of the sun. It is widely believed that he was trying to make it as painless as possible for pagan Romans (who remained a majority at that time) to convert to Christianity, who slowly assimilated religion into their rituals.  

 

8. Historians agree that Christ Mass began in Germany with the earliest record of an evergreen being decorated in a Christian celebration was in 1521 in the Alsace region of Germany.

9. The day after Christmas Day in some parts of the world is Wren’s Day, a traditional Pagan sacrificial day where Strawboys hunt a wren (bird) and put it on top of a decorated pole. It can feel a bit Wicker Man when you’re caught up in the crowds dressed in masks, straw suits and banging drums parading through towns and villages (believe me, I've been to Dingle on Boxing Day/Stephens Day). It is thought that the pursuit and capture of the wren came from the Pagan custom of sacrificing a sacred symbol at year’s end – and in Ireland the wren was revered as the king of the birds but also symbolised the old year.

10. Could it be possible that the story of new life (Jesus) and the Pagan rituals of decorating a tree, making evergreen wreaths for doors, gathering mistletoe, feasting and exchanging presents have become so intertwined we no longer know why we celebrate the Yuletide period? And don't get me started on Santa's origins from Coca Cola Company!

Here's some other websites that discuss this further:

http://www.ballinagree.freeservers.com/chrisireland.html

http://www.livescience.com/25779-christmas-traditions-history-paganism.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/special_report/for_christmas/_new_year/pagan_christmas/37276.stm

*Easter is another Pagan celebration that has made its way into the Christian calendar. The name actually comes from Ishtar, who was the goddess of fertility, symbolised by a giant rabbit and eggs. http://www.mamadynamite.com/2013/03/happy-goddess-eostre.html
 

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The Tsunami of the Stroppy Sevens

We all know about the Terrible Twos/Threes but the Stroppy Sixes/Sevens have totally taken me by surprise.

I had started to enjoy hanging out with my eldest - my soon to be 7 year old boy - because he was capable, fun and interactive and most of the time did what I asked.

Until something started creeping in: more aggression, more defiance, willfully ignoring parenting instructions and refusing to comply with normal attempts at punishing: such as taking away favourite toys and time-outs.

What happened?! Our sweet, kind boy was becoming angry, moody, aggressive, non-compliant and rude. The run up to Christmas was crazy, lots of excitement, parties, sweets, fizzy pop, meeting Santa, school shows, late nights, the threat of not being on Santa’s good list…. It drove me crazy, so I can totally understand the impact it could have on our boy who has sensory processing issues when he is stressed and eats badly and doesn't get enough sleep.

The lack of routine over the Christmas holidays with 2 weeks off school just killed him. He got his presents, he got loads more presents at every house we visited, but mostly he was cooped up indoors (not ideal for a very physical, outdoorsy kid) and watched a lot of telly and played electronic games. It fried his brain. He was restless, inattentive and hyper. A few nights ago I was googling assessments for ADHD, something I’ve always wondered about him, but then I came across a fascinating article about major development growth spurts. 

The writer talks about her 7 year old exhibiting behaviour more commonly associated with a teenager, which is exactly how I’ve been describing my eldest boy for the last month.

She quotes psychologist Jean Piaget's Four Stages of Development theory which suggests that children can't deal with certain tasks until they are psychologically mature enough and blames this growth spurt/maturing for the bad behaviour at age 2-3, 6-7 and again at 11-12.

A lot of my friends are experiencing the same with their 6/7 year old boys. Personally, I think Christmas only antagonizes the situation because their newly formed logical brain questions what it is exactly that parents do at Christmas: all the credit goes to the guy in the big red suit.

On Christmas morning, exhausted after staying up late to wrap presents for my 3 kids and prepare the scene as if Santa had been, I was hoping for love and connection with my kids. Instead my eldest said he hated me and that I had done nothing. WFT?! I was stunned, all I had asked him to do was wear jeans and not tracksuit bottoms for a change. I was tempted to shatter his illusions and tell him I had bought all the presents and organised everything, but only for a second, I took a deep breath, thought of the big picture and sucked it up. He still believes, which is what people tell me is good for their long-term creative imagination. Personally, I think it makes my eldest very ungrateful but what can I do?! 

Santa's been on Christmas morning!

Yesterday, despite a very specific warning, he ran off twice in a shopping centre and we yelled at him when we eventually found him. Once we eventually calm down from these incidents, we apologise and agree with him that we have to try harder, we must do better, and we need to stop raising our voices, because the danger is that he's starting to turn the anger inwards and develop self-hatred. I’ve asked him why he ‘makes mistakes’ and he says he ‘can’t control it’ and 'can't calm down on his own', especially when it comes to the aggressive behaviour and fighting with his brother and sister.

What I do know is he is a very intense and high-energy child who is easily overwhelmed, and punishment doesn’t work, rewards are so much more effective with him. But rewards fly out of the window at Christmas when it’s all about rewards. It’s exhausting for parents, draining to be raising voices, frustrated at not getting through, feeling like a failure because our attachment-style strategies are failing. Must we get tougher? Is that the only way? It rattles me to my very core to be at war with my son.

Trying to understand his stage of development is one way of meeting him in the middle. Late night Dr Google turned up some food for thought for me:

• There is massive cognitive development around age 6/7

• The time between 6 and 8 is one of biggest cognitive change for children. They move from a life dominated by fantasy to one that is beginning to be governed by logic and reason.

• They start to see themselves as more autonomous individuals, capable of basic independent problem solving.

• Children at age 6 are in the latter phases of Piaget’s pre-operational period, which means their brains synapses are fusing together and they thinking more logically. This major brain shift can exhaust them both physically and mentally and can take a year before it’s all fused. During this time they can forget things they’ve already learnt or become absent-minded.

• Challenging behaviour around this time can be as a result of bad sleep (they need 10 to 11 hours sleep a night), bad nutrition, lack of rules, routine, discipline. Take a deep breath and appreciate what they can do instead of what they can’t.

So I must be more accepting. I must try to get him to sleep before 10pm (his sister always keeps him awake late) and I must take deep breaths when I see the challenging behaviour and aggression.

Plan B for the next few weeks is to ensure he gets lots of Omega 3 (fish & supplements), fresh air and exercise (when it stops raining) and positive praise rather than negative nagging and verbal abuse, and we’re going to try to come up with a new ‘credits’ system where we remind him of our House Rules and he has to earn privileges and possibly introduce the concept of pocket money. We’re learning all the time, but hey isn’t that the joy and the ongoing challenge of parenthood?

 

Any tips gratefully accepted....

Jago on Christmas morning after building his new Lego Titanic

 

 

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Embracing the chaos of kid-focussed Christmas

This year I have surrendered to the madness of kid-focussed Christmas.

Last year, I think I was still trying to maintain a sense of control in our house. Over the course of 2013, I lost that, thanks to Lorcan becoming a strong-willed two-year-old and my older two becoming really smart!

Three young, independent-thinking kids is a power beyond my feeble control, sometimes.

Work meant I spent less time around the house, so yes, the lunatics really did take over the asylum this year, as I struggled to keep my energy intact.

But guess what? I’m so much happier this Christmas simply by ignoring some of my usual perfectionist stress. I look at our Christmas tree, which looks like it just survived an earthquake, and think proudly, the kids did that. By lowering my expectations I have come to accept the madness of my three little sprites.

This so far is my script for a happy Christmas in our home:

1) Allowing them to decorate the Christmas tree (with pegs and everything!) –restraining myself from redoing it when they’re not looking.

 

 

2) Giving them access to their advent calendars (Lorcan’s record was consuming 25 days in 5 minutes!)

3) Buying new stockings for the fireplace – to remind them that good behaviour means presents.

4) Letting them get dirty making Christmas cards and decorations.

5) Resisting putting a fireguard up around the Christmas tree. It’s our first year of trying this daring tactic and so far so good, only a few near-topples as Lorcan zooms past it.

6) Making sure there are loads of movies recorded and DVDs ready to go; brilliant for those over-excited, climbing up the walls, moments.

7) Reducing the number of events to a bare minimum so the kids aren’t overwhelmed, ungrounded or confused by seeing too many different Santa’s.

8) Slowing down, making lots of fires, cuddling up on the sofa with blankets and watching ‘You’ve Been Framed’ The kids love this show, even if they insist it’s called ‘Ruby and Framed’!

9) Putting them first and thinking of magical moments we can do to create lasting childhood memories and Christmas traditions (like last year's trip to the Winter Wonderland in Cork city).

10) Taking one day at a time, because not every day goes smoothly and remembering they get stressed too, especially when excited/scared about their big Christmas show debut at school tomorrow night (personally, I can’t wait, two of them on stage at the same time!).

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SO IT'S 2013...

I was trying to write a blog post all over Christmas and new year.

I failed because the kids were around constantly. Or when my husband was home I felt we should do 'family' things together. 

I failed because I went very internal and hibernated in my own head. I didn't want to do anything other than dumb down and watch inane movies on TV. 

Sound familiar?

My brain feels suitably dead going into this new year.

A new year that is supposed to bring me success as I get back on my feet to work again. On a good day, the baby doesn't need me so much and the other two are in school/playschool every morning.

2012 was a year characterised by the kids outshouting me in the household with the noise levels reaching a point where my ears ring all the time now. 
It was the year when chaos reined in our household - yet I learned to embrace it... sometimes... [See Embracing The Chaos]
  
Other times, I still yearn to curl up into a ball and hide away from their wildness. It still gets overwhelming, at times, having three very loud and lively kids.

That's what it was like over Christmas - when everyone disappeared into internal family walls and my normal social supports weren't available. Home alone, husband working, no school to stimulate the kids, long wet days of just me and 3 buzzing kids in our small house. Argh!!

I have to raise my energy.

New year, new exercise regime... If only it wasn't so wet, so dark early, too many things to do, kids holding me back, excuses, excuses....

But one New Year's Resolution was reached last night: I went to a Toastmasters meeting. My intention for this year is to build a new sort of confidence in myself. To conquer my fear of public speaking, to connect my brain to mouth and to not be afraid of what other people think of me and my spoken words.

I don't know why I go to jelly when I'm speaking in front of more than one person, why my mouth dries up and why I'm suddenly not able to remember anything, but I do. And I always have done.

Years ago when I was working in London as a journalist, I would be asked to go on panels, radio or TV as an expert commentator. I reluctantly said yes to a few of them, thinking that the confidence I managed to adopt when I was interviewing people would carry me, but it didn't. The experience had me shaking with fear, petrified like a rabbit in the headlights, I stumbled, my voice went shaky and I couldn't even remember who I was. 

It still haunts me to this day and I still can't listen to my voice when it's recorded.
 
This fear held me back. I would avoid media exposure roles after this. Eventually I left London and national newspapers behind when I moved to Ireland to start a family, but it's always been something that I wanted to overcome. 

Motherhood has given me more confidence in myself, but I still can't connect my thinking brain to my mouth in matters of talking about myself or telling stories. Years of being shy and introspective as a child still linger, despite an outward persona of being confident and open. 

I was a shy child

So I'm on a mission to change this. At 40 years of age, I'm trying to re-set the foundations of me that don't function anymore and redefine myself as someone who CAN do things. Who CAN do anything. 

I like being 40. It's liberating. It's giving me permission to reinvent myself and be young again, to live again, after the five hardest years of my life making babies. 

Watch out world, here I come....

But seriously, this is what the blog is all about. It's about typing and not knowing what I'm thinking until it's been typed and appeared as a stream of consciousness on the screen. I'm good at connecting brain to hand - and just typing until I find some kind of sense in my thoughts. It's about giving my brain space to think and download, so that I can clear the decks for other important things. 

If I can learn to public speak, then that flow might extend to brain to mouth, without all the need to write it down in the middle. 

Does this make sense?

I've been questioning recently the point of my blog. The external versus the internal. Whether anybody is reading or cares about what I'm saying. The danger in revealing too much. The dirty laundry appearing in public. The kids becoming public property.  

There is a fine line between the personal and the private in all these days, especially with everybody Twittering on. I aim to keep that boundary between the personal and the private. But I also need to discover myself in my blog - and I'll only do that by being honest and writing regularly.  

So it's Back to the blog for me. Back to life. Back to trying to be more external because it's better that way. 

I am not an island. I am woman and I have a voice. 

And this year I'm going to learn to use it.

Will I blossom?

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NEARLY A GRAND ON CHRISTMAS? YOU MUST BE KIDDING!

It's well documented that Ireland is bankrupt and that disposable incomes are a long-lost dream of yesterday. 

So why then do Irish consumers spend the most out of any European country on Christmas?

A new survey from accountancy firm Deloitte predicts that Irish consumers will spend an average of €966 per household, of which €500 will be spent on gifts, €288 spent on food and drink and €178 spent on socialising. The European average is just €591 and the lowest spend is just €287 per household in Holland.

The good news is that Irish outlay is down from €1,300 at the height of the boom, with consumers reckoning they'll spend 1.7% less than last year.  Woohoo!

Yet all I ever hear from friends and countrywomen is how skint they are and how they can't afford to pay their mortgage.

So why do people spend so much at Christmas? It could be that the cost of living is so much higher over here, it could the hefty price tag of presents, it could be the huge chunk of VAT the tax man takes...

Or it could be the fact that most Irish men and women have some innate irrational fear of being seen to be miserly. Heaven forbid you can't pay the mortgage, but you must buy a massive present for your neighbour's daughter-in-law who's just had her third child.

Even when totally skint, they still try to buy you a drink at the bar. My hubby can't biologically be bought a drink by someone without squirming awkwardly until he's cancelled his debt by buying one back. Even if that person has had enough and wants to go home, he'll force it on them.

If someone is here for dinner, he'll keep loading up their plate as they plead with him to stop yet politely pick through it until they blow up into a ball and have to be rolled out of the door.

I call him Mrs Doyle when he gets like this.

 
So why does an Irishman detest the idea of being perceived as mean? It's always baffled me. As someone who grew up among tight Yorkshire men, most of whom prided themselves on being miserly, I've never been able to get my head around the force-feeding Irish spirit. It's beyond generous. It's so kind it's bonkers. 

The hubby says it goes back to his Colonial heritage; they may have been raped, pillaged and starved for Centuries, but they'll never give in to a nationwide complex of inferiority. 

You only have to look at last year's World Giving report from the Charities Aid Foundation to find out what a generous nation Ireland is. Our green and pleasant isle was ranked as the most charitable country in Europe and the second most charitable nation in the world (behind the US), with 75 per cent of Irish people donating money to charity and 38 per cent volunteered their time each month. 

Ireland also had the highest percentage of residents who said they often "help a stranger". This openness and friendliness of strangers has always been the main thing I love about Ireland.

Since moving to Ireland six and a half years ago I've been blown away by the massive gifts people give for Christmas, baby births, Naming Days, our Wedding and recently my birthday. But for every bit of largess, it raises the bar. I worry that I have to reciprocate equally - which I can no longer afford as our 3 little people soak up all our money now.

This year I've come to an agreement with family members to "NOT buy gifts for each other" because the list of people to buy for just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Desperate times - driven by my unassailable stress (where will I get the time or money to organise Christmas presents for 25 people?). I've not enjoyed Christmases recently because of all this stress involved in buying and wrapping so many presents. So I've been proactive this year, rather than stress about it, I've reduced the load. We've said we'll just buy for the kids.

My hubby has 8 nieces and nephews and five godchildren, and our own 3 kids are starting to ask for presents worth €100 (I know this is nothing compared to what it's going to become). 

So please, if you're reading this and thinking of buying big presents for us this year, please don't. Just a small thing for the kids if you must...

Lets cut down that crazy €1000 spend per house and then the New Year hangover won't be so long-lasting and depressing. 

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