It was my fault, said everyone, despite the yellow line thing. A moment of blindness, resulting in a torrent of self-flagellation and calling myself ‘stupid’ all week and feeling rattled and rotten.
Needless to say my kids’ needs have not been met this week – as I can barely meet my own. I’ve decided to take a break from everything this weekend (thanks to my amazing hubby saying he will mind the 3 little ones all weekend) and breathe some deep air at a retreat centre in west Cork.
Luckily, my insurance covers the damage, thank god, as we
don’t have €500 in spare cash lying around to pay for the coin-sized repair to
her front bumper.
And there’s the rub. Five hundred quid for a tiny crack on
a plastic bumper! Has the world gone mad? Aren’t bumpers supposed to withstand small bumps, hence their name? When did bumpers stop
being made of solid metal and rubber defenders and get replaced by aesthetic plastic
that wouldn’t absorb a fly? My own car had a proper bumper and guess what, not even a scratch from this collision!
Anyway, I do but digress.
Dealing with other people’s anxious energy and various claims departments in insurance companies can be very stressful. I’ve been going back to positive energy music and mindfulness bells on my phone to remind me to ground myself and take deep breaths.
How easily we get lost in a busy life with 3 kids and a job that we rarely allow ourselves to slow down and nurture our soul. This incident was merely a catalyst, a warning to recharge my body with energy before I get sick, but I felt it trigger something: I felt tightness in my chest where I literally could feel the stress eating away at my heart. I felt a deep disconnection in my body and soul. I yearned to cut myself away from the chaos of my everyday life and experience a beautiful silence that would allow my body to flow in harmony again. To reconnect with my soul. To touch the magic in stillness.
I just told my two eldest that mummy needs
a break for a few days.
“But you’re always going away!” said my 6 year old.
“Can I come?” asked my 5 year old.
“No, mummy needs to be a person again and then I can come back and be a better mummy for you,” I replied.
They looked at me like I'd just told them I'd eaten their rabbits!
So I’m going to be a person for the weekend. A real bone
fide person where people use my real name instead of ‘maawwm’. I don't even know who Amy is anymore!“But you’re always going away!” said my 6 year old.
“Can I come?” asked my 5 year old.
“No, mummy needs to be a person again and then I can come back and be a better mummy for you,” I replied.
They looked at me like I'd just told them I'd eaten their rabbits!
Imagine a whole weekend with myself. What a treat!
It feels very indulgent but I feel I deserve it (because I work so hard). And I can’t bloody wait!
You do deserve it! Enjoy and take care of yourself, sounds like a really lovely thing to do. x
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